I'm a doctor, get me out of here
by Tanith Panic
Summary: When the owner of the sinister Redmyres Grange offers Holby ED staff 150k to stay there for three days and three nights, anything can happen. Dyfty, Freechamp (sorry I had to pick a pairing) with a little Riain and Jonnie here and there. Don't worry if your favourite characters don't seem to be there... they have all the time in the world to appear!
1. Chapter 1

I'M A DOCTOR, GET ME OUT OF HERE

For once, Connie Beauchamp wasn't telling the ED staff to get back to work. She was delighted by their reactions to her news.

The previous owner of Redmyres Grange, the eccentric Harry Harper, had been in touch with her. He'd had an idea for fundraising that would cause a sensation. If a team of three doctors, three nurses, two paramedics and one of the reception staff, plus a responsible manager, were brave enough to spend three days and nights in the sinister but opulent mansion with its history of tragedy, Harry would give £150 thousand to the hospital fund. Harry didn't specify why he'd chosen the numbers that he had.

Connie knew that several of the staff would want to volunteer for this and had ducked the responsibility of choosing by having all interested parties put their names in a box, from which she would draw the members of staff to make up the teams.

Names were dropping into the box very quickly, mainly because some of the staff had feelings for others although they believed they were being discreet about it. Jacob Masters had oh-so-nonchalantly dropped in his piece of paper, and Connie smiled to herself, knowing why. Ben Chiltern, aka Lofty, with more enthusiasm than actual courage, had wanted to help get the money for the childrens' ward, so he'd steeled himself to volunteer. Cue Dylan Keogh's submitting his name. Dylan believed that stupid boy Lofty needed somebody to look out for him – at least that was his excuse to the rest of the staff. With Caleb Knight and Ethan Hardy, there was no explanation needed. Cal wanted to show more courage for his younger brother, while Ethan wanted to prove he could be as laid back as Cal under pressure. Iain Dean and Kathleen Dixon, always known as Dixie to the rest of the staff, had represented the paramedics and Jack Diamond had almost vaulted across the reception desk to submit his name. Rita Freeman, who had shuddered visibly at the idea, had sneaked back after a late shift to submit her entry. But she would rather have died than admit it was because she wanted to get closer to Connie Beauchamp, even though Jacob was obviously after her. There was very little about Jacob Masters that was subtle. Robyn Miller and Louise Tyler were also in fierce competition and the staff prepared themselves for sulking from one or both of them if their name wasn't drawn. Lily Chao, after declaring long and loud that this was a stupid idea, managed to slip her name into the box under cover of leading a patient to a cubicle.

"Connie never comes in the pub! Re-sult!" grinned Cal on the night the names of the volunteers were to be drawn. Connie had just walked in, wearing a black power suit, red blouse and the highest heels known to humanity.

"The first round's on me. Well done all of you for volunteering!" she said, her voice cultured but piercing at the same time.

After everybody was settled with their drink, the big moment came. Jacob stood next to Connie, on the pretext that he had to make sure the numbers were right.

"Not that there's any competition for our Jack anyway, but I still want a big cheer when his name's drawn" he announced.

"Jacob, whose draw IS this?" Connie said coldly.

Then her professional smile came back and the names were drawn.

Jack, as the Lone Receptionist, got his cheer.

Louise glared across the room as the winning nurses were announced as Lofty, Robyn and Rita.

Jacob's outraged pout amused the crowd. But, he thought, I'm not beaten. Not getting my name drawn doesn't mean I'm going to be a good boy and stay away.

Fortunately there was no friction between Cal and Ethan; along with Dylan they were the three chosen doctors. Lofty's heart gave a strange little twist at this. He hoped he wouldn't wail like a baby if he saw – oh, there were no such things as ghosts, were there?

Lily said snootily:

"Well, who cares? The best of the staff will be where they belong – in the ED."

"I didn't think you'd leave Dervla" Ethan said to Dylan.

"That little madam will be living the life of Riley in Doggie Day care while we're at Redmyres" Dylan scoffed.

The rest of the evening went well, with Connie actually giggling aloud when Iain and Dixie did a kind of square dance, chanting "We ain't afraid of no ghosts".

They really should have been.

Louise came up to Robyn with a nasty smirk on her face.

"I've been doing some research in the library."

"Well, yeeHAH!"

"Very nasty place, Redmyres Grange. Oh it's swanky enough on the inside, from the photos. But there's been some very unfortunate deaths there."

Connie swept past.

"That's enough, thank you, Louise. Mr Harper has very kindly agreed to take all the winners out for a meal and tell us all the former history. Just to see if anybody gets cold feet."

"If you drop out I can fill in for you" Louise smirked.

"In your dreams" Robyn retorted.

"Hey" said Jack, who loved his dreadful puns, "There might be a skeleton staff here _and_ at Redmyres next weekend, eh?"

Robyn hit him over the head with a newspaper.

(


	2. Chapter 2

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER TWO

A/N: This is going to be a bit like the Oscars. First of all, I'd like to credit the lovely Sweeet-as-Honey for her ghost ideas, and Stephen King for inspiring me with his wonderful TV programme Rose Red. Not that I think Mr King reads fanfic, but better safe than sorry! Keira, Orlando and Biffo are original characters, you may recognise the others.

Robyn, much as she wanted to believe Louise's warnings were just sour grapes on her part, wanted to be sure. She looked up Redmyres Grange on Google a and did not like what she saw.

Throughout history, the unlucky Redmyres family had met their doom long before their time. Especially the youngest ones, Keira and Orlando, the twins, who had fallen downstairs and broken their necks at eight years old. As the little monkeys were sure-footed and smart, murder was suspected. The main suspect was their uncle Jonathan, now doing time for attempted murder, despite his pleas that he was innocent. Their nanny, Tess, had been heartbroken and had drowned herself in the river. Legend had it that Tess could be seen standing by the childrens' bed, weeping, dripping with pond weed. She was now known as Moist Tess. Keira and Orlando had appeared regularly to visitors to the house, and usually had something to sing about. They loved singing, the more silly the songs the better for the twins.

They had easily found a song about poor Biffo (real name Curtis) Redmyres, who had taken the idea of Flower Power and freedom to his heart. Alas, he had also embraced certain recreational drugs and his ending had been ghastly. Keira and Orlando had treated several frightened visitors to a song about this, and Biffo usually appeared behind them to verify their words very unpleasantly:

"He was high on pot, his last summer, didn't care a lot,

Danced round Notre Dame in a traffic jam, his last summer, flattened by a tram."

These were the latest ghosts, but since mediaeval times the Redmyres had been unlucky. Take pretty Zoe Redmyres. A lovely girl, but somewhat greedy for, shall we say, affection? Unusual for the 1300's, her benign father had consented to her marriage to Max Walker, a kind man but a peasant. There was a huge feast on the night before the wedding. Zoe had suggested hide-and-seek in her father's vast castle, and had climbed into a trunk she'd discovered in the attic. A huge trunk. Max had become uneasy and at last there had been a search party for her. After three days' intensive searching, they finally discovered what had once been Zoe in the trunk, into which she must have, said her grieving parents, shut herself. Then they had discovered who else had been hiding in the trunk. Leonard Lyons, a servant, who had pulled the lid shut on them both in a panic after hearing heavy footsteps. Neither of them had been able to open the lid again, and they'd been found wrapped around each other. Max could be heard gliding through the house weeping "Zoe, you've broken my heart."

Another ghost with a broken heart was Lady Taylorette Redmyres , who had borne a love child to Giorgio, the youngest son of the Rayneford family. Raynefords and Redmyres were like Capulets and Montagues, which meant that there could be no marriage between Taylorette and Giorgio. But Taylorette's domineering brother Ricardo Redmyres had challenged Giorgio and had fatally stabbed him. In grief and confusion Taylor had abandoned her baby, who had actually been taken in by the nuns. Then she'd hanged herself. Taylorette's father sent Ricardo off to the wars in rage, and he'd been killed in battle. Sometimes he'd appear at the window singing a dirty song about the joys of being a soldier. It wasn't uncommon for visitors to the Grange to see Giorgio staggering through the room clutching his bloodstained chest, or Taylorette swinging past the window, turning her head to look inside as the cowering humans.

Then there was the vengeful Sir Lionel Redmyres. He had set out to travel the world with his servant Big Macintosh, sometime in Charles the Second's reign. A bandit called Mercedes had leapt upon Sir Lionel and had slit his throat, while Big Macintosh had hidden in a cowshed. Despite the fact that Macintosh was executed for cowardice and Mercedes skewered by a smarter traveller, Sir Lionel was still not appeased. He had left his pretty daughter Honey at home when he'd set out on his ill-fated trip. Now he walked through markets – he'd been killed just outside a market – moaning 'Honey, Honey.' The shoppers had nervously handed him huge jars of the stuff, which he threw at their heads, causing them to flee in terror. Eventually he'd come back to Redmyres Grange, where he had taken up permanent residence after smashing every jar of honey in the place.

The most tragic death of all was probably that of Jeffrey Collier, a cheerful Victorian man who helped out in a schoolroom. One day the teacher proposed a trip in a Charabanc. The little ones were so excited, but alas, a fanatical preacher who disagreed with the teacher's 'liberal' teachings, had planted a bomb in the 'Chara'. Happily when it exploded, nobody was killed outright, and Jeff had bravely got not only Miss Tamsin, the teacher, but all the children, safely out of the vehicle. Then Jeff's heart had gone cold as he'd seen that there was one child still on the vehicle. It was a boy because it wore a little cap. Jeff had ran back into the Charabanc to save the little one… and found that he'd actually gone back in to rescue the class Mascot, Selfy the Teddy who had been dressed in boy's clothing. Jeff had tried to get back out again and had almost made it to the door when he'd tripped and fallen into the flames. Now poor Jeff hovered near Redmyres, still hoping he could save just one more child so he could rest in peace. He searched in every coach, every car, every mini bus, to no avail.

Robyn had put down the book with shaking hands. Lou wasn't just being spiteful. But, she wondered, why had Mr Harper insisted on just ten people coming to the Grange?

If she'd seen Harry Harper at that moment she would have been terrified. Harper was dancing round the fire in his vast living room chanting:

"When spirits meet with humans ten,

The devil will be loose again."

But the ten volunteers knew nothing of Harry's sinister plans as they emerged from the mini bus the next Friday evening. They just wanted to have the guts to survive the weekend and win that money for the kids.

(


	3. Chapter 3

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER THREE

Aoife, the maid, greeted them all.

"If you'd like to wait in the lounge here, my colleagues and I would like to welcome you to Redmyres Grange. Refreshments will be provided while you're allocated your rooms.

Almost as soon as they were sipping their coffee or tea, the problems began.

"Mr Keogh and Mr Chiltern are in the rose room, but if it's easier, that's room number four. The doors are all numbered."

Dylan's colour drained.

"I can't stay in any room that says 'four' on it."

"Oh pull yourself together, Dylan, this if for a childrens' charity" Connie rolled her eyes. Lofty glared at her. Connie would normally have reminded Lofty that this was an ED team exercise and she was still in charge, but she was too amused. She'd known Lofty had feelings for Dylan for some time, and now he'd proved it to her.

"Could we not have another room?" Lofty asked politely.

"Sorry, Sir, too late at this stage. It's a lovely room though."

I don't care if it's the loveliest room in the universe, it's upset my Dylan, thought Lofty, enjoying the luxury of thinking of Dylan as 'his' Dylan.

"Could we maybe swap with somebody else?" Dylan pleaded.

"Mr Harper left strict instructions that the rooms were to be kept to."

"And where's Mr Harper now?"

"Barbados, Sir."

"Oh, wonderful. Whoopie doo."

Dylan brooded silently while everybody else was allocated their rooms.

When almost everybody had filed upstairs, Lofty walked over to Dylan and said quietly:

"This might help."

He took a little crucifix from his own neck and handed it to Dylan.

"Ben, you're a kind man. That'll help indeed."

Dylan put the little cross around his own neck.

Cal had been looking round the female staff hopefully. That Aoife was cute, so was Ruth, the housekeeper, except Ruth was a little sober-faced.

"Nice to see you'll be looking after us tonight" he grinned at Ruth.

"Thank you Sir. But I won't be here tonight."

"Oh, a staff changeover?"

"No, Sir. None of the staff stay here after dark. The food's kept warm on a hostess trolley for you all and the fridge is full of cold desserts."

Ethan's face fell; he'd been hoping for hot fruit pie.

"But, what if there's a power cut, or…"

Ruth was implacable.

"The staff will all be leaving at six sharp, Sir. We'll be back in the morning to serve breakfast so you won't have to lift a finger. Torches and candles are provided in this cupboard right here."

"I've gone right off you" thought Cal.

"Now" Ruth said sternly, "I've had more instructions. We're taking your mobile phones and locking them away till you leave on your final day. Part of Mr Harper's instructions.

Robyn's face fell. She'd been hoping to put in her earplugs and lose herself in her phone that night.

Keira and Orlando saw the phones being locked away in the cupboard. They were straight through the keyhole and messing around with the phones without a second thought. Instead of a fluffy kitten on Robyn's screensaver there was now a tiger with bloody jaws. On Cal's phone, his action shot of Lauren Cohen from "The Walking Dead" had been replaced by a Zombie which could now come right out of the screen and grunt "I'm coming for you, Cal."

"Let's see what Curly Bonce has on his phone."

"I like him, he's got a kind face" Keira protested.

"Here… ooh, look."

Orlando was surprised. Lofty's screen saver was a boring old phone screensaver with a sea view on it.

After Orlando's naughty little fingers had made the adjustments, a sea monster reared from the depths, growling "I eat curly gits."

Next that ginger-haired doctor. Oho, an old grey dog…. This should be fun, thought Orlando.

"No!" Keira said firmly, "It's a nice doggie. We're not changing her."

Orlando shrugged. It wasn't a bad old dog and they could change somebody else's phone.

"Look at this. It's just a boring old Greek Urn. It belongs to that guy with specs."

"Snakes coming out of it, snakes coming out of it."

Once again the naughty little fingers went to work.

"They'll never forget us when they go back home."

"IF they go back home. They might die of fear. I'm betting curly git's first to go."

"No, that red-haired chubby one."

"A double bed" Dylan sighed, "You'd better not kick, Chiltern."

Don't let me kick, don't let me snore, don't let me break wind, prayed Lofty. He didn't know what he did when he was asleep and the thought of doing horrid things in the same bed as Dylan freaked him out.

Connie was sulking. She'd never expected to have to share with Rita, especially as Robyn had a single room, thanks to Harry Harper's stupid iron-cast rules. Robyn and Dixie both had singles and she, Connie Beauchamp had to share. What was Harper playing at?

Iain was disappointed too. He was in a triple with Cal and Ethan. Why? As far as he knew, there were plenty of spare rooms. But the rules were printed clearly on several printed checklists: no changing rooms from the ones allocated or not a penny would the children's ward receive.

If they'd realised how the room planning worked, they would have been very upset.

Harper had deliberately put the most vulnerable people in singles. He'd have allocated a single to the nervous Ben Chiltern but he wanted Chiltern to annoy Dr Keogh enough to make the latter lose his temper. It was the same with the brothers and the paramedic. They all had volatile tempers and there were several sharp instruments, even an old revolver, around. The ghosts meeting ten living humans was bad enough, but for them to meet five or six dead humans and help them to the Other Side, leaving the survivors to take the blame, was priceless.

He'd reckoned without Robyn Miller being a bookworm for a start.

Robyn, feeling full and relaxed after a surprisingly good dinner and a surprisingly powerful shower, was totally absorbed in her paperback, the new Gina Rand. Gina wrote 'it's grim up North' type thrillers in which the cops were anything but squeaky clean. DS Marian Chase now, she was taking backhanders from DI Mark Leyton, and sex from Constable Will Perkins. Boris Leatherhead had shot a man in the course of duty, but was awaiting trial for it as there was doubt over how much danger Leatherhead had been in at the time. And if the cops were bad, the serial killers were spectacular.

Robyn was just reading the bit where the Whip Man was approaching his next victim, her eyes wide.

She realised the curtains were open and went to close them, but not before she'd seen a flash of red outside. But Taylorette didn't need curtains, if Keira and her pesky brother could glide through keyholes, Taylorette could slip through the tiniest gap in a closed window.

Robyn shrugged and went back to the huge easy chair she was sitting in. Taylorette was sitting in it, wafting her hands over Robyn's face.

"Robyn Miller! Where is my baby, Robyn Miller?

Robyn heard the chanting voice and turned away. The next minute her beloved Gina Rand book was whisked out of her hands.

"Give that back, bitch!" she snapped.

Taylorette held it above Robyn's head tantalisingly. Robyn punched her in a rage, but her hand went straight through the ghost.

"Bugger off!" she bawled.

Then she suddenly caught a glimpse of Taylorette's face. Hanging and the effects of the passage of time had made Taylorette look pretty grim.

Robyn fainted and mercifully stayed unconscious till morning.

But it was what happened to Ethan Hardy that really made the dark night even darker.

Ethan had foolishly gone for a walk, leaving Iain and Cal discussing back issues of "Bosoms and Butts and Eager Sluts", their favourite magazine.

Suddenly Ethan staggered into the room, clutching his heart, his eyes wide.

"I've seen it! On the Rose staircase!" he gasped.

"What?" they both snapped.

"Me! My face in a portrait on the stairs! Me, but not me. Y-you know the doppelganger legend?"

"The what?"

Ethan shivered.

"I-If somebody meets a stranger who bears their face, they will die!" wailed Ethan.

And he fainted. Cal and Iain nudged the magazine from under him and continued ogling.

(


	4. Chapter 4

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER FOUR

Ethan came round and punched at Cal in a fury.

"Look" Cal said, deflecting his stroppy brother's arm expertly, "That doppelganger thing's only if you meet a person with your face, not a portrait. Who was it of anyway?"

"How should I know? I ran back here like buggery!" wailed Ethan, "And why should anybody want a portrait of me anyway?"

"Can't think, with you being Mr Fugly" Iain sneered. He was annoyed because he wanted to go back to 'Bosoms and Butts' and Mr Whiney was stopping him.

Meanwhile, Lofty was still trying not to upset Dylan.

"Where are your pyjamas?" Dylan asked severely.

"Um… I sleep naked."

"So I have to look at your nasty bits swinging around, do I?"

"You needn't look", Lofty said shortly. The strain of not upsetting his hero was getting to him.

Dylan went into the bathroom in his jumper and jeans and came back in his pyjamas.

"Sweet."

"There's nothing wrong with views of the Welsh valley on an item of clothing."

"Sorry. Shall I make us a coffee? I'll put my bathrobe on."

He went into the bathroom to change as Dylan had done, and a face that wasn't his loomed at him out of the mirror.

"Zoe! You've broken my heart!" it wailed.

Lofty slung the bathrobe on hap-hazardly and came running out again.

"Mirror!" he gasped, panting heavily, "Mirror talks."

"Ben, you're as white as a sheet. And that bathrobe's falling off you."

Lofty made an effort and fastened the robe firmly, then moaned:

"It-it says "Zoe, you've broken my heart" in a really whiney voice. And its face comes out of the mirror."

"Sit there" Dylan ordered. Lofty obeyed, trying to get his heart rate and breathing to slow down.

Dylan stomped into the bathroom.

Nothing wrong with the mirror. But in the bath…

Two skeletons sat there and clung to one another.

"Max won't find out, Zoe" said one of them.

"He's coming back!" cried the other skeleton hysterically.

"Walk-in shower for me tonight" Dylan decided. He was a little less nervous than Ben; he'd seen plenty as a Consultant not to be shocked so easily.

Then the two skeletons actually giggled. They began to chant:

"Four, four, four, four,

Who's afraid of number four?"

The number four, in various colours, fonts and sizes, began to materialise in the room. Bouncing off the ceiling, reflected on the door.

Dylan ran out of the bedroom.

"Two sk-sk-skeletons in the bath now" he whimpered, "And they're making the number four dance! All over the room!"

"Show them your cross" suggested Lofty.

"Cross? I'm f***ing furious!" growled Dylan. It was an old joke but it diffused the tension a little.

"Four, four, four, four, Dylan can't take any more" came the chant and the two skeletons walked out of the bathroom, coming purposely towards Dylan, who leapt into bed and pulled the sheets over his head with trembling hands.

Lofty was upset for Dylan to say the least and did a most un-Lofty like thing.

"Shut-the-f**k-up" he bawled, punching out at both skeletons, which shattered at his feet.

He hurried into the bed, and put his arms protectively round Dylan, who clung to him.

Ben loved this but wished it had happened any other way.

"Think of them all as special effects" he said, pretending to be brave.

"Zoe, you've broken my heaaaarrrttttt" wailed the noisiest special effect so far.

"Shut up or I'll smash that mirror and then you'll have to find somewhere else to live", Lofty snapped.

Dylan suddenly noticed how attractive Ben Chiltern was when he was being assertive.

Max floated off crossly to bother somebody else.

Meanwhile, Rita was becoming bored. She'd been hoping that Connie's bedtime routine would be one she could gossip about later, having expected her line manager to slather on lots of face cream, or possibly sleep in one of those silly beauty masks. But Connie had merely showered like everybody else and then put on a little moisturiser, brushed her teeth, and then got into bed with a paperback.

"I can't sleep with the light on" Rita had complained, but Connie had just shrugged impolitely and said:

"The bathroom's free."

Actually the bathroom wasn't, but Connie and Rita weren't due to discover that just yet.

Connie had fallen asleep with her paperback over her face, and Rita had thought "Ah, let her suffocate" and then been sorry. She'd removed the paperback gently and had suddenly realised how prettily Connie slept. No grinding her teeth. No snoring. Just sleeping.

Around two in the morning there was an urgent tapping at their door, which became louder and louder.

"Don't panic, Rita", Connie ordered her.

She grabbed her hairdryer, which was the heaviest thing she could think of, and marched to the door.

"Apparition! Tell me how I can help you!" she called, having read in a book that this was how to calm the angry spirits.

"Um… it's me, Ethan. I've just realised there are apple pies and a microwave. Iain, Cal and I are holding a hot fruit pie party in the kitchen. Dylan and Lofty won't come but Jack's already making tea, and you're invited."

"Ethan! Go to your stupid pie party and let us get some _sleep!_ " bawled Rita, who had a hell of a loud voice for a tiny lady.

Ethan fled.

Rita went to the bathroom and came out screaming.

Moist Tess, still dripping with pond weed, sat in the bath.

"Where are my poor little children?" she wept.

"Rita, what the hell-?"

Rita pointed with a shaking finger.

Connie strode into the bathroom, and ran out, white as a – well, a ghost.

"Let's go down to the hot fruit pie party" she said weakly.

Everyone but Lofty and Dylan was now attending the fruit pie party.

"Okay, who wants custard and who wants ice cream?" Jack beamed at Robyn, who had recovered from her earlier swoon.

"I'll help you hand them out" Robyn grinned.

Everybody sat there with a cup of tea and their pie, even the ones that had seen visions seemed to be able to eat and drink.

"I think we ought to go and knock for Lofty and Dylan. Lofty's too skinny, he needs feeding up" Jack beamed.

"Okay, I'll microwave two more pies" Robyn volunteered.

She set the timer….

…. And round and round went Noel's head, wailing:

"Big MacIntosh let me get my throat slit while he hid in a cowshed!"

Everybody fled the kitchen, screaming.

Meanwhile, Dylan slept with his head on Lofty's chest. The young nurse had held him to comfort him after the skeleton incident, and Dylan had been calmed. Despite the great Fruit Pie Party Horror, they had slept serenely through the night.

Connie was the first to compose herself.

"Meeting in the lounge" she said clearly.

Everybody filed into the lounge, muttering "Connie bossy-arse" and other expletives, while the Ghosts of Redmyres watched them in contempt from their various hiding places.

(


	5. Chapter 5

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER FIVE

A/N: An admission here. This chapter and possibly the next has bits stolen from works by Stephen King, but I hope I've put enough of my own slant on them to make this unique.

"Somebody go and get Dylan and Lofty" ordered Connie.

"I'm not going upstairs" wailed Robyn. Dixie hugged her.

"I'll go" Iain said, wanting to redeem himself. He was slightly ashamed because he'd never expected Ethan to take being called 'fugly' seriously. Surely Ethan could see he was a good-looking lad? He'd only teased him as revenge for fainting across 'Bosoms and Butts."

Ghostly noises pursued him all the way upstairs and he just said "F*ck off, f*ck off" to them all the way up.

He knocked at room 4.

"Who is it?"

"Iain."

Lofty came to the door in his bathrobe.

"I've just got Dylan off to sleep" he said, as if he were talking about a child he was looking after.

"Sorry, Loft. Cersei Lannister wants us all downstairs for a meeting. There was another apparition. Robyn was upset."

"Sorry to hear that. Tell Cersei to give us five minutes."

Dylan grizzled but was able to tell Lofty that if he, too, had worn pyjamas, he'd have been ready to go downstairs straight away.

"She can have me in my bathrobe or not at all". Lofty's confidence had seemed to grow since punching the skeletons.

"You've missed something horrible" shuddered Robyn, on seeing him, "Noel's head in the microwave."

"Which one's Noel?" Ethan asked sullenly. He knew there'd be no more fruit pies that night and he was sure he'd seen blackcurrant pies under the apple ones.

"Throat slit by a mugger while his manservant hid."

"Oh. Well, maybe the pies would thaw…"

"When you've finished talking about your favourite subject, Ethan, there's actually a meeting in progress."

Connie, as usual, had taken the floor.

"Now, it's a known fact that ghosts only come out at night."

The others looked uncertain.

"At night we've all been splitting up in different rooms. We'd be a lot better off if we stayed together from dusk till dawn, and slept during the day. We're not likely to be terrorised in our rooms so much in the daytime."

"What about the house rules? Will we be allowed to do that? They were pretty sure about the rooms we had to have, and the pairings."

"The rules state that we have to spend two nights and three days in Redmyres Grange, and that's it. Besides, look at it from Harper's point of view. He'll not want to be caught out looking a cheapskate by the nations' viewers by nitpicking, will he?"

"Maybe we could watch a DVD."

They gave it a try, choosing a thriller rather than a romcom or a slasher movie. The DVD came on. Noel's face filled the screen, screaming:

"Get that bloody film off NOW!"

Cal put out his hand to switch the DVD player off, and Connie's hand came out to stop him.

"He's only a ghost; we won't let him bully us into doing what he wants."

Connie's skirt fell off.

"Next time it's the panties" sneered Noel.

Connie ran across the room and switched off the TV altogether.

She went to the back of the room to put her skirt back, clipping Rita's ear for giggling on the way back.

"It looks like a group discussion then, folks. So, did anybody notice the weather forecast before we set out?"

Alas, nobody had really taken that much notice of the forecast. Which was a shame, as it happened.

They'd played I Spy, which had been a dismal failure because Moist Tess, Max and Taylorette, had sat among them and joined in. Taylorette's voice took on a loud whine when she lost.

Iain showed he was an ex soldier by doing something quite brave; he made a mercy dash to the fridge and came back with food and drinks.

"Ethan, you like grub, you can be our taster. Pull a bit off that quiche and tell us if it's fit to eat."

Ethan had eaten half the quiche before he'd nodded and said:

"Yeah, it's safe."

Robyn wouldn't go back into the kitchen but Jack, who seemed to fear nothing, went to make sandwiches and hot drinks. Apart from Moist Tess staring fixedly at him, nothing too bad happened and he carried the trays in expertly.

Rita and Connie had been unable to keep awake and were snoozing in the chairs.

"I know, truth time!" beamed Iain, "Let's go all out for a full confession. So, the sleeping arrangements, who'd change their room- mates and who'd they pick instead? Cal?"

"I'd move the ever-nibbling Nibbles, and move Lauren Cohen into my room instead."

"Fight you for her!" smirked Dixie.

"Ethan?"

"Oh, he'd have any bugger who can cook" smirked Cal.

"I wouldn't, then. I'd have all the girls from 'Call the Midwife, even the old ones!"

"Pervert!" sniggered Iain.

"Much hilarity ensues" commented Dylan drily.

"Robyn?"

Robyn wanted to say 'Cal' but wasn't drunk enough to be so indiscreet so she sighed:

"Johnny Depp."

"What people see in that man I do not know" Dylan sniggered.

"Me neither" Dixie agreed.

"Name your choice, Dix. Want to keep that nice big single room you've got, or…."

Dixie had a quick look to see that Connie and Rita were both sleeping, then said:

"Con and Rita. Together. An' anybody who tells them is dead, get it?"

Lofty had decided, not unreasonably, to have more wine than he would normally. It had loosened him up considerably.

"Come on then, Loft, how about you? Swap Dylan for Miley Cyrus?" Iain encouraged.

A soppy smile came over Lofty's features.

"Ah, I'm more than happy with the sleeping arrangements" he purred.

"Ben, for God's sake!" Dylan snapped at him, stalking out.

Lofty sobered instantly, feeling as if Dylan had knifed him. He'd thought…

Oh, hell, why did he have to be such a fool?

"Jack?" Iain asked hastily, seeing the pain on Lofty's face.

"Oh, I'd have you, Lofty, mate. Or Tom Hiddleston."

The long night wore on.

Dylan eventually came back in, but wouldn't look at Lofty. Instead he said uneasily:

"In case nobody's checked the weather, we've got a blizzard and it looks set for all tomorrow as well. We're supposed to leave the day after that."

"No running away today, then" Dixie only half-teased.

Meanwhile, a desperate Lily Chao was trying to reach Redmyres by phone. She'd had a terrifying experience of her own back at the ED.

A patient had been brought in from a RTA, and though she'd worked on him, there was no way of her saving the man. She and the remaining team did their best, but were unable to help him. But just before the man had flatlined, he'd looked up at her and mouthed:

"They're in danger in that house. He wants their souls."

And now nobody was answering their mobiles.

(


	6. Chapter 6

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER SIX

Dawn came.

"Bedtime" said Connie.

"I'm stiff" complained Rita as they slowly got to their feet.

"I'll give your shoulders a nice massage before we go up" Iain volunteered.

"We can manage, thank you" Connie rebuffed him. Iain gave Rita a cheeky wink, which made her glad she was wearing her purple lace underwear – anything could happen in the next evening. And there was nothing to stop him sneaking on to the landing and giving Rita that massage.

Dylan looked out of the window and saw the deep snow.

"I think we'll be here longer than one more night", he commented, adding:

"Come on, Chiltern, bedtime."

"I'm fine where I am, thank you" was Lofty's cold reply.

Dylan flounced off to bed.

Ethan thought Lofty had his own priorities, and grinned.

"Ah, wise man. You're waiting for the staff to arrive and cook us a hot breakfast."

"I'm not feeling like breakfast" Lofty said tersely, then, not wanting to take his mood out on Ethan:

"It'll be warm down here when they light the fire and I should get a good sleep."

"Can't you sleep upstairs?" Ethan asked.

Fortunately, at that moment, the phone rang.

Cal strode to answer it, and Robyn marvelled at those long legs in action. Cal turned back to everybody, looking worried, after taking the call.

"The staff can't make it today. We're on our own."

Ethan threw a master wobbly:

"I want a fire and I want a Full English!"

"Ethan, we can make the fire and cook. Don't be such a Prima Donna" his brother reprimanded him.

"I'm not bad at cooking. Let's go and look in the fridge, Ethan, I might be able to do a hot breakfast" Lofty offered.

He hurried to the fridge and opened it.

His heart all but stopped.

"H-has that assassin gone away?" said Big MacIntosh's head.

Lofty walked back into the lounge on unsteady legs.

"Sorry people, it seems the spooks are there day and night. There's one in the fridge."

Then he gasped:

"Excuse me!" and ran upstairs where he was violently ill in the bathroom.

"NOW who'll cook?" whimpered Ethan.

"We'll do anybody who wants it a Full English, but we need to try to get Lofty to eat a slice of dry toast to settle his guts, and give him a black coffee and two of my co-codamol. For everybody else, we'll do a continental – I've seen Brioches and jam – but here's the rule. Anybody who doesn't cook does the washing up. Sounds fair?" Dixie asked.

Ethan thought washing up was a small price to pay for a full gut.

"I need rubber gloves though."

A pair of rubber gloves flew across the room and smacked him in the mouth. He ran over to Dixie, trembling, and she gave him a cuddle.

Lofty was snoozing by the fire, which he, Jack and Dixie had made up, and his face was more its normal colour.

"I think his headache's gone" Dixie said, happily.

"It's not his head that hurts; it's his heart. He more or less came out last night and said he had feelings for Dylan and the rotten bugger rejected him." Jack was most indignant.

"Maybe he's not ready to come out himself", was Dixie's theory.

Ethan, at the other side, said:

"I've noticed something about these ghosts. They like to whine, they like their pranks, but they're not dangerous. I think I feel safe to go to bed now."

"Thanks for the washing up" Dixie grinned.

Ethan made his way out of the room. Then there was a terrified scream… and Ethan staggered back in with a bloody stain over his heart.

To everybody's shock, he came through the door, unhurt but his hair standing on end, pointing to the man who was now lying on the ground.

"It's that doppelganger" he wailed.

Suddenly the corpse rose to its feet, picked up the poker and lunged at Cal who had just come into the room. Cal backed away nervously. Then another Cal came in, this one with a sword.

"Prepare to die, Giorgio Raynesford, vile seducer!"

"I'll take you with me, Ricardo Redmyres!" Giorgio snarled.

"Stop it!" cried the real Cal and Ethan, dodging the mayhem.

"Stop it! I love him" cried Taylorette, rushing in, her arms waving.

"To bed at once, Sister. You are great with child!" Ricardo snapped at her.

Meanwhile, over at the ED, Lily tried yet again for contact with Redmyres.

"We ought to tell the police" she said.

"You tell the cops and all the money for that kiddies' unit goes right down the drain" Jacob told her, "Somebody needs to go in there undercover."

"At the moment we have to do our job; there are patients to heal", Lily ordered him, adding: "You'll have a long walk there in this snow". Jacob reluctantly went to help one of his patients, all the time plotting in his head.

Dylan came downstairs grumpily.

"I can't sleep with all that noise going on!"

He pointed angrily at Lofty.

"Look at him, sleeping like a baby after all this. He should be ashamed."

"He's sleeping like a baby because he's had dry toast, coffee and co-codamol. Poor little sod was sick as a dog – no offence, Dylan! – earlier. He'd had a scare. Apart from you crushing him as well."

"What scared him?"

"A talking head in the fridge. Ghosts have been coming and going all night and morning, so Connie's meeting was a bit pointless."

"This place!" sniffed Dylan in disgust.

He walked to the door.

"Tell Sleeping Beauty to stop sulking when he wakes up, and send him up to me."

"How are your shoulders, Freeman?"

"Much better thanks, Cersei."

"WHAT?" Connie all but spluttered.

"That's what the staff call you. Cersei Lannister."

"If I was as bad as that, would I have given you all the time off to come here? Would I even have been interested in a fundraising event like this?"

"Take no notice. They like you in their own way."

"I must say you look nicer without all that slap on, Freeman."

"I don't wear that much!"

"It chokes me to say it, Freeman, but you don't need to."

Connie lay on her shoulder and gave her a long, appraising look.

"Give me your money or I'll slit your gullets!"

Mercedes, violent robber and assassin, stood by the bed, wielding a sharp dagger.

"You two lesbians?" she asked cheekily.

"No!"}

"Yes!"}

Connie and Rita answered at once.

Mercedes snorted and vanished.

"Really, Freeman? What about Iain?"

Rita blushed and giggled.

"You naughty little minx, Freeman, that's just greedy!"

With an expert hand, she reached down and pulled off Rita's panties.

"Purple lace with bows! Mr Iain's favourite colour, so I hear!"

"Give them back!" Rita giggled. Connie held them out of reach.

Mercedes reappeared, skewered them on her dagger and vanished in glee.

"Dixie says you've something to say to me."

Lofty, pain still registering in his eyes, looked at Dylan.

"I have, Ben. I'm sorry if you felt I'd betrayed you. I-I'm just not ready to come out yet."

"You broke my heart, Dylan."

"Now you sound like that Max."

"I don't know if I can forgive you yet." Lofty climbed into bed and turned to the wall.

Dylan sighed.

"Ben…."

Just then the skeletons came back. They sat on the end of the bed at Dylan's side, chanting:

"Four, four, four, four.

May the fours be with you."

"Leave him alone" Lofty threatened.

Max appeared, but this time, sneering, not wailing:

"Dylan had a doggie, his buddy and his pal.

We tied a big stone round her neck and went to the canal…"

Lofty, pushing off Dylan's clutching hands, ran across the room and out of the door. Dylan sighed; it looked as if Ben had abandoned him and who could blame him? He knew the verse about Dervla wasn't true, but he still felt sick with worry.

Lofty, not seeming to care that he was naked, came running back in with a book in his hand. He held it above Dylan's head and said coldly:

"Leave him ALONE!"

The three spectres screamed and vanished. Lofty put the book on a bedside table and got back in, shivering a little.

"I knew I'd seen a Bible around" he said through chattering teeth.

Dylan's arms went round him.

"I don't deserve you, Ben."

"You don't, but to heck with that, come here."

(


	7. Chapter 7

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER SEVEN

Lily looked at the falling snow in despair.

Not only could she not reach the people at Redmyres, but there was no way they were going to be able to leave the house yet. It wasn't as if it was a short walk from the hospital; it was a good five miles out of the city centre. To make it worse, Harry Harper couldn't be reached in Barbados. Lily suddenly remembered that two special friends were being kept apart by the snow and her mood became darker.

Harper sat in his room at the Premier Inn, Cardiff, smirking. Everybody thought he was in Barbados, and that meant nobody would be bothering him. He wondered what those fools out at Redmyres would have said if they'd known that there was no prize money forthcoming. No funds for the bloody hospital. The soft-hearted fools had been duped and now they were stranded. From what nearly all the spirits reported to him, the humans were becoming used to them… but the games had only just begun. As for those two small traitors… they would be dealt with most severely when all this was over. And Harry would arrive in the middle of the chaos, when friend had turned against friend, lover against lover, brother against brother, to invoke… _him_.

"What's up, gorgeous?" Jacob asked Lily who glared at him.

"My name, as you well know, is Lily. And, as you well know, I'm worried. By this weather, by the amount of patients we have to treat when we're so short-staffed because our regular staff are trapped at a stately home miles away, and…" tears were in Lily's eyes, "Dervla will start to think Dylan no longer loves her."

"The icy-cool Ms Chao reduced to tears by a DOG?"

"Dylan loves that dog like a human."

"Listen, sweetheart, here's what I'll do. I'm pretty sure-footed in snow; I'll go to Doggie Day care and pick up Madam, I'll nip into a corner shop for some grub for her, and I'll take her to Redmyres myself. Even if they won't let me in because of their stupid rules."

"I'll come with you" Lily enthused.

"No, Babe…"

Jacob put his hands on Lily's shoulders. She raised her eyebrows but didn't object.

"Lily, you are a top-class doctor. You're doing more good staying here and helping everybody who needs you. Louise's good, she'll help. You and Loulou ARE the ED right now, Lily Chao!"

Lily swallowed back tears.

"Why, thank you, Jacob. I shall do as you suggest. And, one more thing. If you ever call me 'Babe' again, I shall kick you _where you live_."

Jacob gave a whoop of laughter and went to change into his outdoor gear.

Melanie looked stricken, but knew she had to confess. She hoped this handsome stranger wouldn't shout at her too much.

"Sir… we did try to get through to Mr Keogh, but couldn't reach him at Redmyres Grange. The-the fact is that Dervla ran away yesterday and we've not managed to trace her since. We've been looking all round Holby for her."

Dervla bounded over the snow, sure of her destination. She knew her human wasn't far away and that he needed to see her. A bulldog on a leash growled at her, and she barked back at him. A tomcat on a wall spat at her. She threatened it and it slunk off. Dervla continued on her quest.

Keira looked out at the expanse of snow.

"That big grey doggie's coming. I'm going to play with him."

"Bitch!" replied Orlando.

"You're nasty."

"No, thicko, I meant that big grey dog's a bitch-dog. Boys KNOW. I wonder what it's coming for though?"

"I think it belongs to that grumpy man who was mean to Curly Git last night."

Robyn stacked the last plate on the pile.

"Thanks, Robyn" Cal smiled at her, "It's a pity our Ethan doesn't like washing up as much as he likes scoffing."

"At least he can scoff without people calling him 'fatty'."

"Only ignorant people use that word. Let me tell you something, Robyn. Men might flirt with the Connies and Ritas of this world, but when they want to settle down, they look for a Robyn. Kind, reliable… they know they're on a winner when they see it."

Robyn beamed at Cal, and despite the fear he still felt, despite this surreal situation, his heart gave a little flip.

"When we all get out of here, would you come on a date with me?"

Robyn's eyes almost equalled Lofty's for wideness.

"Me?"

"You. Theatre, cinema, anywhere you'd like."

"Can you sit through a musical without getting bored?"

"Liking musicals is my guilty secret! So, which one do you have your eye on then?"

"Spamalot's coming to the New Theatre."

"Spamalot it is!"

Taylor appeared, her face mercifully non-purple this time, and slapped Cal hard across the mouth. Then she looked harder.

"Sorry" she said cheerfully, "I thought you were Ricardo."

She vanished.

Robyn, thrown off her guard, clung to Cal and he liked it.

"So" said Cersei Lannister, alias Connie, "That idea of going to bed in the day and staying up all night didn't quite work. So why don't we have a bit of a party this evening? Celebrate our final night. Our official final night, at least. All that money for the childrens' department!"

Mercedes appeared and cackled with laughter.

"You're not coming to our party!" Jack said to her, sounding like a small boy.

Mercedes spat at him and vanished. Jack was relieved spook spit didn't actually work.

Around four in the afternoon, an unearthly howling began outside the front door of Redmyres.

"They can't hurt us. Nobody panic. Besides, they can get in if they really want to" Dixie advised.

Iain decided it was high time he showed Rita that he could be a tough guy. He picked up the poker.

"I'll show those ghosts who's boss" he growled, swaggering to the door.

"Iain, be careful" wailed Rita.

Iain moved the three strong bolts and then opened the door itself. He looked out into the whirling snow and the whining wind.

"Show yourself, creature!" he intoned.

The next minute he was knocked on to his back as Dervla shot straight past him and through to the kitchen. Like Ethan, she knew where she felt most comfortable.

"Dervla!" Dylan hugged the dog, who was trying to lick his face. She looked round and whined a little but didn't run away. That big fire was too tempting. Ethan, making a superhuman effort, said:

"I'll fry her some sausages."

"Ahhh, look at her!" Rita cooed later. Iain wanted to run out and buy her some assorted puppies.

Dervla had had to wait till the sausages had cooled, but she was now lying on the rug, hogging the fire and sleeping. Connie had made Lofty bring the Bible down to put on the mantelpiece so everybody could feel safer, and it did seem to be keeping the apparitions at bay, at least in this room.

The draught from the door was a mighty one, so they were all just feeling warm once more when they heard a hammering.

"Don't go" whispered Rita fearfully.

The word "Challenge" might as well been written on Iain's forehead. He grabbed the trusty poker.

Fending off Giorgio and Ricardo, who had realised that the kitchen was the only ghost proof room at the moment, he walked to the door.

"Who's there?" he yelled.

"Let me iiiiinnnn!" came the moan.

"You tell me who you are first, and whether you're friend or foe."

"Friend! I'm Jacob! I've come to see how everybody's coping and I've walked six miles and I'm freezing. I need to pee any moment now! And I've got pizza!"

Only Jacob could have stopped off at Domino's while on a quest to save his colleagues.

"Pizza? Quick, get him inside!" yelled Ethan.

(


	8. Chapter 8

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER EIGHT

Warning: Some naughtier than usual references in this chapter

Jacob shot off for his pee, mainly because he genuinely needed one, mainly because he was dreading the confrontation with Connie. He actually didn't think the people organising the reward would quibble about an extra person being in the hotel, especially as the weather outside was diabolical. But he knew how Connie could be.

He'd almost handed the pizzas to Ethan, then realised the ever-hungry Mr Hardy might gobble the lot, whether or not they were microwaved first. He handed them to somebody who was likely to be neutral about pizza.

"Oh, hello Jacob. You're not on the list of guests, you know. But thanks for the pizzas; I'll freeze them if that head's gone out of the fridge" Dylan said.

Jacob chuckled as he ran to the toilet outside room six. Dylan was pretty comical when he was in that kind of mood.

He refrained from checking out the ornate bathroom and proceeded to get on with the job in hand.

Lofty and Dylan, on their knees stroking Dervla, heard a scream directly above them. Dylan told Lofty to stay where he was and ran to investigate. Jacob was running downstairs, shaking.

"A hand… it came up the toilet bowl and tried to- tried to-"

"You shouldn't show things off if you don't want them pinched" was Cal's deadpan answer.

"I hadn't even taken down my jeans!" retorted Jacob, adding:

"Excuse me."

He ran into the garden and relieved himself in the snow.

Ethan had found the carrier full of dog food.

"I fried four – four! sausages for that little grey glutton!"

"Pot calling kettle except you're not grey" Cal smirked.

"You can always eat some of Dervla's grub instead" Jack told him.

Ethan pulled a face and hoped that half the guests wouldn't want pizza. He'd get half of one if that was the case.

Connie had been out for a walk in the thick snow with Rita, who looked really foxy in her long boots and faux fur hat. But the smile that image had put on Connie's face had long since vanished, and she was more or less dragging Jacob inside the Grange again.

"Your name _was not drawn out!_ If we let down those children because of this, I'll find a way to fire you, especially after what I caught you doing in the garden. Now get your coat back on and leave."

"I had to pee in the snow! A hand came out of the toilet bowl and-"

Jacob would have felt much better if Connie had told him to sober up or stop being stupid. When she just nodded at him, his confidence hit rock-bottom.

"You knew it was haunted, Jacob."

"I didn't believe it before. I'll get moving now."

"Good."

Jacob made his way through the doors and the ornate garden. Five minutes later he was back.

"Well?"

"The-the gate won't open. It's frozen solid."

"Jump over it, Action Man."

Jacob thought of jumping over and noticed how warm the Grange was.

"It's a six mile walk. If I promise to behave can I stay the night?"

"Tonight. Tomorrow you can help Lily, Louise and the Agency staff again."

"Thanks. Which is my room?"

"It turns out that Mr Harper is very fussy about who shares what rooms. You're very lucky; room 11's free."

Little did Connie know just how occupied room 11 would be later.

After a good meal, everybody felt better and the party Connie had suggested got under way. The ghosts actually left the fridge alone for once and Ethan sighed in pleasure as he saw all the fruit pies coming out to be defrosted. As for the main course, there was more than enough for a decent hot and cold buffet. Pizza, quiche, Cal's chicken curry, Lofty's Thai Bites… everybody was volunteering to cook their speciality. There were fruit pies and three kinds of Ben and Jerry's ice cream for dessert. The wine flowed and the songs began.

Cal surprised everybody by being quite competent on the piano.

"Play 'Snowy White Snow and Jingle Bells" Iain insisted.

Everybody groaned, but Cal smiled.

"Caleb Knight, wonder pianist, never refuses a request if he knows the tune."

He played the sentimental tune and Iain began to sing:

"Bosoms and Butts and Slinky Sluts, oh what a combination,

Bosoms and Butts and Slinky Sluts, oh what a magazine!

Bosoms and Butts and Slinky Sluts fills me with exultation,

Bosoms and Butts and Slinky Sluts, lads, you know what I mean."

Rita thumped him but not in a nasty way.

"Where's our version for me and Dylan and Lofty?" Jack demanded.

Lofty, maybe because of his happiness at being reconciled with Dylan, sang cheekily:

"Little tight butts and nibbly nuts…."

Connie gave them a superior but not quite disapproving look. Then she got up and walked out.

"Oh dear, we've upset boss lady" Jacob giggled.

But five minutes later Connie was back. In a sparkly top, in panties and tights, and with a cane she'd borrowed from one of the Redmyres mob. She whispered to Cal, who found the tune quickly as Connie sang, using Jacob as a prop as she flirted round him, finally pushing him away:

"You have to understand the way I am,  
Mein Herr.  
A tiger is a tiger, not a lamb.  
Mein Herr.  
You'll never turn the vinegar to jam,  
Mein Herr.  
So I do...  
What I do...  
When I'm through...  
Then I'm through...  
And I'm through...  
S*d off, do!

Bye-Bye, Mein Lieber Herr.  
Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.  
It was a fine affair,  
But now it's over.  
And though I used to care,  
I need the open air.  
You're better off without me,  
Mein Herr.

Don't dab your eye, mein Herr,  
Or wonder why, Mein Herr.  
I've always told you I was a rover.  
You mustn't knit your brow,  
You should have known by now  
You'd every cause to doubt me,  
Mein Herr."

To his credit, Jacob was laughing as loudly as the others.

In their euphoria at actually having an enjoyable evening, they failed to notice the lack of ghosts this time.

"Me now!" Jack begged. He asked Cal if he knew 'Green Door'. Cal, it seemed, knew everything, and began to play as Jack sang:

"Midnight, one more night without sleeping,

Watching, till the morning comes creeping.

Redmyres, what's that secret you're keeping?

They've got a big piano and Cal plays red-hot, behind the main doors.

Don't know what they do, but Ethan eats a lot behind the main doors.

Wish they'd let me in so I can find out what's behind the main doors.

I saw an eyeball peeking through a hazy cloud, behind the main doors,

When I said "Connie sent me" someone laughed aloud behind the main doors.

All I want to do is join that carefree crowd behind the main doors."

Eventually everybody drifted off to bed, happy with what seemed to be a respite from the Redmyres spectres.

Dylan and Ben were curled up together when a polite little tap came at the door.

"Hello?" Dylan growled.

The nervous voice of a child called:

"Can we come in?"

Dylan motioned to Lofty to put on his bathrobe and go and answer the door.

A little boy and girl stood there, practically transparent.

"Come in" Lofty invited them.

"Bloody spooks are back. Can't you two get through the keyhole?" grizzled Dylan.

"It's bad and rude to come in without being told to."

The two undead children came into the room. The boy said:

"We heard you having a party. It sounded great. We liked the songs; can we sing one for you?"

"What's it about?" Dylan wanted to know.

"It's about being dead and how you haven't got to throw bricks" said the girl.

Dylan groaned inside; it would be one of those ghastly cautionary tales about a child who'd killed somebody with a brick.

"You can sing it but if I tell you it's nasty at any time you have to shut up and go away."

They nodded.

"We're Kiera and Orlando by the way. Here's the song:

"Diddly diddly diddly diddly doooo…."

"That was the introduction" said Keira helpfully. They continued:

"Look at the earthworms, bloody well wriggling, ain't it great to be bloody well dead?

Look at the mourners, bloody well giggling, ain't it great to be bloody well dead?

We come from clay and return to it again so don't chuck a brick, it might be your Auntie Jane.

Look at me widow! Thinks she'll be wealthy! Ain't it great to be bloody well dead?

Look at the vicar! Taking a selfie! Ain't it great to be bloody well dead?"

Kiera curtseyed and Orlando bowed.

"You little buggers" Dylan said, unable to hide his mirth.

Then Keira's face became deadly serious.

"Please will you help our Uncle Jonathan? Everybody thinks he killed us and he didn't. A very bad man killed us and made people think it was Uncle Jonathan. But it wasn't. He loved us and he's still sad. The bad man wanted him to go to prison so he couldn't have our money and the bad man got it all."

Lofty's soft heart went out to them at once.

"What's the name of the bad man?" he asked.

"Harry Harper" said Orlando.

Just then there was a sickening scream from room 11.

Jacob appeared in the doorway, carrying Connie, who had actually fainted.

Jacob himself was looking as if he wanted to throw up.

"B-Biffo Redmyres came h-home" he stuttered.

Biffo? Lofty and Dylan tried to remember which he was. And shivered.

The Tram Man.


	9. Chapter 9

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER NINE

Rita came hurrying through to see what the trouble was.

"Oh Rita" moaned Connie, "It was – well, beyond belief. I know we see things in the ED but this guy never got as far as the ED, or whatever it's called in France!"

"I'll carry her to bed; I've got her already" Jacob offered.

"She doesn't want any of your rubbish" Rita snapped.

Connie began to scream hysterically; Tram Man was back. But this time apart from his grey face and general transparency, he didn't look too bad. Keira stalked behind him.

"Biffo's come to apologise to you" she said, prodding Biffo forward.

"I'm so sorry, Madam, I forgot to change before I left France" said Biffo humbly, "You'll not see me like that again."

Connie nodded weakly.

"Get her up to the bedroom; I'll take it from there" Rita ordered Jacob. He glared at her but was relieved that Connie's terror seemed to be fading.

Tess appeared, looking somewhat moist.

"I'll organise a nice sedative for her" she told Rita, then burst into tears as she saw Keira and Orlando hovering.

"Oh, my babies!"

Poor Tess would always grieve for the twins.

Connie managed to sleep through the night thanks to Tess's sedative. She had a little difficulty actually handing the glass over to Connie, but Rita helped, then slept in the same bed as Connie "in case she woke up screaming."

Lofty and Dylan sought comfort in each other's arms; they might not have seen Biffo at his worst but Connie's scream had disturbed them. Connie was anything but a screamer as a rule.

And Iain and Jacob bemoaned that fact that the prettiest ladies – well, in their opinions - in the ED had to be gay.

"Not that I'm giving up" Iain said cheerfully, "I bet little Rita's more playful than she looks."

Keira and Orlando didn't want to lose their new friendship with Lofty and Dylan so they waited until they were alone to try out their new song, about Connie and Biffo:

"She thought she would win, her last evening, got her head done in.

Mrs Clever-Tits saw poor Biff in bits, her last evening scared her into fits."

Jacob decided to go back to the ED after all as he knew he was on a loser with Connie at the moment. He left without breakfast and was about to climb over the gate when he pulled up, shocked.

The gate was twice as high as the previous night, as was the wall.

He decided to climb over, but retreated back inside the grounds after seeing the horrible sight.

Anybody managing to climb over the wall or gate would have been impaled by the evil-looking metal spikes coming up through the snow.

It looked as if nobody was going back to the ED any time soon.

"Harry Harper?" Lily was using the phone contact number she'd been given.

"Speaking."

"Mr Harper, you are the owner of Redmyres Grange, are you not?"

"I am, my dear. How may I help you?"

Lily bristled at being called 'My Dear'. Louise was 'earwigging' as much as possible without Connie catching her, and smirked. Lily had been throwing her tiny weight around all day and most of the evening. Louise was exhausted and resentful, but had made herself think of the patients.

"It seems the staff who accepted your challenge are marooned out at Redmyres. They have been there for four nights now, when three was the maximum required for them to win the money. Would it be correct to say they have now won the prize?"

"Oh, they'll get what they deserve, sweetheart, don't worry about that. When everything starts to thaw we can see how we all stand."

" My name is actually Doctor Chao. It is just that we are severely understaffed here, and wonder if you could help in any way to get them back to Holby? Say a couple of landrovers, something that can get through deep snow?"

"I tell you what, Doctor Chao, if you can all last out two more nights in the ED, I'll come over to see your colleagues at Redmyres the day after tomorrow when I'm back in the UK. I promise you they will be released then."

"Thank you Mr Harper."

Harry put down the phone and chuckled. He had no intention of giving away a single penny of his fat fortune. Who would he hand a cheque to, anyway, when, if he made sure everything went as planned the next evening, everybody within Redmyres Grange would either be dead or taken away to a psychiatric institution for murder? He raised a glass to Keira and Orlando and the trusting fools who thought he was in Barbados, and sat back to enjoy the Jeremy Kyle show. Harry loved conflict between friends or family.

It was actually a concerned Lofty who suggested to Dylan that Dervla, much as she'd resent it, had better be on her leash once she set foot outside the main door. She'd be climbing the wall and making a bid for freedom before they could stop her.

"Better her angry than my heart broken" replied Dylan, adding to Dervla:

"Come on, Pest. Back inside. It's for your own good."

Dervla whined. Lofty and Dylan felt like joining her.

It was as if the place was closing in on them.

"How are you coping, Robyn?" Cal asked kindly.

"It was scary last night, but I'm okay."

His arms went round her.

"We'll keep it that way. We've got a date with Spamalot, remember?"

She nodded, then a tear ran down her cheek.

"Do you think we'll get out of here alive?"

"Well, sweetheart, those ghosts are playful but they've not actually harmed us yet, apart from Taylorette whacking me the other day. And the snow can't last forever."

She buried her face in his chest and his arms went round her.

Maybe it was the entrance of Biffo the previous night that had brought it home to them how precious life was, but at that moment Robyn and Cal had only one goal in mind.

"Ethan's reading downstairs. Come on, love."

He guided her up the stairs.

Ethan came bounding upstairs. He had suddenly had a chilling thought – what if the food supplies ran out, and wanted to whine to Cal about it. He threw open the door and…

"Oh my God, Cal, Robyn, I'm so sorry!"

"We're not, are we, Robyn?" Cal grinned, nuzzling Robyn's neck.

Ethan crept away and decided to corner Jack instead.

"We don't have our phones to ring for take-aways or online groceries, and what if the food runs out?"

"Ethan, Ethan, Ethan. There's enough food in that fridge to feed an army, and even if it doesn't thaw for a week, we'll have enough to scoff. And if not…"

Jack heard footsteps and looked to see whose they were:

"…We can eat Lofty. You don't mind, do you, mate?"

Lofty gave him a tired smile. He was trying to make the best of a bad situation but Harry Harper wasn't due back from Barbados for two more days.

Lily had been racking her brains all day. Something didn't add up about the Harry Harper situation but she didn't know what.

She suddenly realised and shouted aloud, which did nothing for the lady to whom she was giving an injection.

That number that she'd called on was not a foreign number. What the hell was Harper playing at?


	10. Chapter 10

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER TEN

"I've had an idea" Jack said reflectively as they ate breakfast the next day. Ethan had taken it upon itself to have a personal tour of the kitchen and now felt much more confident about the food levels.

"What?" growled Dylan, who was becoming more irritable because Dervla was unhappy with being confined inside and on a leash outside.

"Do you think that wall and those spikes aren't really there, and we're just seeing them? Like our drinks were spiked last night or something?"

"Well, nobody's going to jump over to find out, are they?" snapped Iain.

"We could chuck somebody over. I volunteer Lofty" Jack quipped.

Dylan, his face like thunder, walked over to him and shoved his finger in his face.

"Look" he snarled, "Stop picking on Ben."

"It's okay really, Dylan" Lofty began.

"It is NOT okay. I don't know what you have against my partner, Jack, but pack it in NOW!"

Jack murmured an apology, and left the room, half of his porridge untouched. Ethan devoured it in the interest of humanity; it was a sin to waste food.

Jack stood on Staircase Four miserably.

If only he did hate Lofty, things would be so much easier.

"But I bloody love him" he sighed. Orlando appeared.

"I felt like that about Tess" he confided, "I hoped she might wait till I grew up. And then I _didn't_ grow up. Life's mean, isn't it?"

"You said it, mate" Jack smiled sadly at the small ghost. Then he did a double take.

"TESS?"

"She wasn't as old as she looked."

"Hey, Octavio-"

"-Orlando."

"Sorry, pal. Do you know if that high wall and big spikes are real?"

"They are. So please don't throw anybody over, and please, _please,_ don't let that doggie jump."

"We won't. If you come into the main room tonight, I'll teach you and Cora to play Monopoly."

"It's Kiera. But we'd like that."

"I think it might be interesting to explore the rest of the Grange. We've just kept to the bedrooms and main room up to now."

Rita shivered at her manager's words.

"Connie, no! Anything could happen to us. Anybody – anything - could be lurking."

"Tell you what" Connie suggested wickedly, "Jacob fancies me and Iain has the hots for you. Let's give them their dreams come true and ask them to explore with us in a foursome."

Rita was torn between being relieved that Connie's fear on seeing Biffo had dissipated altogether, but was not impressed by this new idea. There again, she thought, it might be as well to go round the house once, just to see if anything else was lurking. Get it over with.

Lily stalked out of Holby Police Station in her tiny boots, shaking with anger. Not only had she walked in the snow to get there, but the officer in charge on the desk had refused to take her seriously.

"Lots of people phone from the UK and pretend to be abroad, Ms Chao. Usually poor losers trying to impress somebody. But I tell you what I am interested in. If this geezer's promised your mates prize money for staying at a haunted house, and isn't willing to pay up, that's fraud. You say he's going to visit there on Friday morning?"

Lily had nodded.

"Right, we'll give him till Sunday to pay up. If your hospital doesn't get any cash or promises by then, we'll look into it."

Lily had sighed impatiently but had agreed that this was a kind of progress.

"Right, me beauties, Iain and I will go first. You're in safe hands with us, ladies."

Iain and Jacob strutted up the staircase. Jacob suddenly gave what could only be described as a squeal.

"J-Jacob?"

"That portrait" Jacob said nervously, "The one of that bride."

"It says her name's Caitlin Redmyres. Her name's not in the history."

"Yeah, well, her eyes followed me as I came up the stairs. Honest."

"Well, it'd be unusual for her to appear by day."

"I tell you, her eyes followed me!"

"Oooh!" wailed Rita, "Look at this!"

She pointed to the plaque under the portrait, and read aloud:

"Caitlin Redmyres was due to marry Alfred Raynesford but was thrown out penniless by her parents and her fiancé refused to finish the wedding because on her wedding day she stood up in the church and declared herself to be a Sapphist."

"A whatter?" Iain replied.

"A lesbian" Connie informed him drily.

"Bad move" Connie said, "She should have gone ahead with the wedding but kept getting headaches."

"Can we move on? Her eyes are scaring me."

In the Billiards room they came across a tribute to Jeffrey Collier in the form of a portrait.

"Awww" Rita cooed, "To brave Jeffrey Collier who saved several small children on August third, 1895. Jeffrey was sadly consumed by flames after mistakenly trying to rescue what looked like a child, but was in fact a teddy bear."

The huge armchair turned round, and a somewhat transparent but affable Jeff himself smiled sadly at them.

"I was happy to help" he said. Then he sighed.

To their horror, Jeff's armchair burst into flame and he vanished, screaming.

The four explorers fled the room.

They had just made it to the door when they heard his voice grumbling:

"That happens every bloody time I try and make contact!"

"This" said Connie, "Is the Whispering Gallery."

They moved along the room nervously.

"Let's try it" Iain whooped, and whispered.

"Rita's got a sexy bum, Rita's got a sexy bum."

"Rita's got a sexy bum Rita's got a sexy bum" echoed the gallery.

The sound of Rita's indignant slap on Iain's arm also echoed round.

"Jacob Masters! Why are you letting that slut Connie get away with sleeping with a gay woman instead of you?"

"Which of you said that?" Connie snapped.

Then her nerve snapped as she saw the terror on Iain and Jacob's faces.

They continued their tour of the house, but found nothing, and more important, nobody unusual. But the Whispering Gallery lingered in their minds.

Soon the evening shadows came creeping down. Dervla whined to go out and was not pleased when she was put on her lead but seemed to accept that this was all she was getting. Suddenly her fur seemed to stand up on end and she wailed piteously.

"It's all right, darling" Lofty soothed her.

Then he saw the huge black cat sitting on the wall…. At least a foot in the air above the wall. He nudged Dylan gently.

"Come on, Dervs, back inside now… hey, wait for me!"

Dervla, still whining, bolted towards the main door, almost dragging Dylan with her. Lofty, a little paler than normal, hurried after them.

Jack's mission to teach Kiera and Orlando how to play Monopoly was a failure. Not because they squabbled, far from it. It was because they were both too polite and kept telling each other if they'd missed a chance to make money or pick up a salary as they passed 'go'.

"Hi, kids" Lofty came over to them, "We saw a big black cat this afternoon. Was there one in the family?"

"No… there wouldn't have been any cats. All the Redmyres people hated cats; they were all dog people."

"Very wise" Dylan approved. Then he and Lofty looked at each other in concern. If that cat wasn't a Redmyres cat, where had it come from?

Robyn and Cal had gone for a romantic stroll through the house. Robyn felt surprisingly safe with Cal's arms round her and the first part of their exploration was fear-free. Later they did see Caitlin's swivelling eyes, which scared Robyn a little, and then Jeff, who made them both feel sad for him when he disappeared in flames, muttering "One day I'll get through a day without vanishing."

They found the whispering gallery.

"Oh we have to try this" Cal grinned. Robyn snuggled closer.

"Robyn Miller is gorgeous" shouted Cal, and beamed as the echo came.

"Caleb Knight is my delight" giggled Robyn and the echo came back with added giggles.

Then they heard the sinister voice:

"Robyn… do you really think a handsome man like Cal would love a plain little thing like you? He's only amusing himself because you're trapped. He's had what he wants from you and when you get back home again he'll forget to answer your phone calls; he'll have an excuse for breaking a date every time. He's a liar, Robyn. He'll hurt you unless you get him first. See that ornamental dagger? The one that's coming towards your hand? Yes? Stab him with it… right through his cheating heart."

They didn't hear the ghostly whispers downstairs but they heard Cal's voice pleading…

"Robyn, no… don't do it… please…"

And then, Cal's voice, reflecting pain:

"Robyn….!"


	11. Chapter 11

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER ELEVEN

Everybody was alert. Whatever had happened upstairs didn't sound good.

Robyn, tears running down her face, ran into the main room.

"It wanted me to- " She gulped.

Cal came in, staggering, clinging to the wall. Proving that food wasn't his only concern in life, Ethan ran to him.

"I've twisted my ankle running after Monkey there" he gasped.

"Monkey" looked ashamed.

"I had to run off, Cal. The voices wanted me to stab you."

"Come on, you're in luck, Cal, now you're going to see a real doctor at work."

Ethan loved his chances to be smug almost as much as he loved his food.

"I need a first-aid box" he said.

Kiera popped up. Nobody was unnerved by the twins any more so everybody just nodded at her.

"The first aid box's in the kitchen. I'll take you. That way one of the others can't do a mean trick and make the food go nasty to scare you."

The little phantom led Ethan out.

"Right, nobody goes into that whispering gallery any more" Connie ordered.

"Excuse me, you might be boss in the ED…" Dylan began.

"Just trying to help" Connie replied petulantly, "Go and listen to it and kill each other if you want."

"Come on, Connie, you're tired."

Rita held out her arms.

"What a waste" sighed Jacob, a little too loudly.

Rita hoped that Iain would say something too. That slap she'd given him in the Whispering Gallery had been meant to turn him on. He just looked through her, however. He thought he could see the way things were and it hurt him.

Halfway up the stairs, Connie and Rita jumped. Jeff was there in his flaming armchair.

"You'll be safe, it's not real fire" he said, motioning them on.

"That's what they told Joan of Arc" sniggered Jacob.

"Watch it, mate. I can get in touch with Joan and tell her where you're staying."

Jeff's merry mood soon dissolved and he said miserably:

"I wish I'd been able to save those two little kids. They're decent little spooks."

"Their uncle must have pushed them too fast for you to get to them" Jacob sighed.

"Their uncle?"

"Yeah, their Uncle Jonathan's doing time for their murder."

Jeff opened his mouth to speak. What looked like half a volcano came out of it. He vanished.

Rita was undressing in the bathroom, when Mercedes slunk in, wearing Rita's favourite panties on her head, like a shower cap.

"Give those back, bitch!"

"Oh, it's 'give those back bitch' now, is it? Two days ago it was 'please don't hurt me'. Mercedes did her imitation of Rita cringing in abject fear.

"We're getting used to you lot now."

"Wait till Friday morning. Friday's the big one. Eleven for the morgue on Friday. It was meant to be ten but Action Man had to come snooping in and spoil it."

Rita shivered and ran across to the room she shared with Connie, hurried into bed with her and buried her head in Connie's warm chest.

"SURPRISE!" bawled Iain and Jacob, emerging from under the bed. Iain stood up and ran to the door to avoid a pillow thrown by angry Rita.

But Jacob was pulled right under the bed by a huge, hairy hand.

"Where's my HONEY?" the owner of the hand bawled.

Ethan put the little stool under Cal's foot.

"Better?"

"Great now thanks, Nibblino!"

"Cal" whispered Robyn, "I am so sorry."

"Hey, you were better running than skewering me. I still love you, Robyn."

They smiled at each other. Ethan wasn't sure whether or not to give his blessing.

"Can you cook, Robyn?" he asked.

She nodded.

"She's a keeper." Ethan enthused.

Connie, Rita, Iain and Jacob came down in their bathrobes. The boys were laden with pillows and blankets.

"We'll be sleeping down here" Connie announced, trying to look grimly at everybody but relieved that Jacob's ardour had been cooled by the groping hand.

"It's just as unsafe all over the house" Dylan commented.

"Have you almost been dragged under a bed by an angry spook?" growled Jacob.

The cat prowled off, leaping on to the spikes and not even having his fur ruffled. He bounded over the snow, over the streets and finally into the Travelodge despite the receptionist's effort to throw him out again.

"So how are the set of fools?" was Harry's only greeting when the cat bounded into his room.

The cat changed and assumed the shape of what could only be a demon.

"The gay doctor and nurse are far too cheerful, the philanderer and his little girlfriend are having relationship problems but are still nauseatingly loving, the overgrown brat with hollow legs is still hungry… but the foursome are becoming very uneasy."

"Are those brats whose necks I broke still happy?"

"In their element. Helping everybody like good little lapdogs."

"They'll pay tomorrow evening. That's when I'm coming to help you collect souls."

"I want to collect freshly-dead souls. Those idiots seem to be indestructible. But I know something about the gay nurse… he has a fear of clowns."

"He's too young and fit for a coronary."

"Nobody's too young and fit not to have a fatal fall. You like causing fatal falls, Harper."

"Then tomorrow the carnival comes to Redmyres."

Dylan and Ben lay in bed, arms round each other, naked chests touching.

Zoe, in her original form before she was silly enough to get trapped in a trunk with her lover, floated across the room.

"Tomorrow's the big one" she purred.

"Big what?" snapped Lofty, who had had enough of most of the phantoms except the twins.

"Death toll. You're all on the list, Nursey."

Strangely enough it was Lofty who hugged Dylan close, not the other way round.

"And whose side are you on? Ours or whoever's causing all this?"

"We're neutral, Lenny and me. But watch Max; he can turn nasty."

Bang on cue, Max floated out of the wall.

"You broke my heart!"

"It's 2016! You should be over it by now!" pouted Zoe.

Max had an evil smirk.

"I am. And to prove it, I'm going to take one of the other ones. That little blonde fox – I'll have her."

"When you say 'have'…."

"I'm going to kill her tomorrow night and then she can be my wench for all eternity."

"Good luck getting past Connie."

"Connie can die just as easily as the rest of you" smirked Max.

"Right" Zoe decided, "Me and Lenny are going to stop you tomorrow. We'll protect Connie and Blonde Fox just to spite you, Max."

"Bloody hell, they're treating our souls like a computer game." Dylan was outraged.

" We're not protecting you or Curly Bonce. See you tomorrow night, losers."

Zoe vanished with a cackle. Max glowered and disappeared back into the wall.

"Dylan" Lofty said quietly, "I think we might die tomorrow night."

Dylan nodded gravely.

"In that case…"

He grabbed Lofty.

"Come here, you beautiful little bugger!"

Maybe because of the situation, Lofty and Dylan's love making was special that night. They even managed to sleep curled in each other's arms.

"Who's for a walk round the rooms?" Connie asked after breakfast, "Let these fools know we're not scared of them. And maybe collect a few more crosses or Bibles to put out around the main room."

"Why not? You coming, Dervs?"

Dervla wagged her tail and followed Dylan and Lofty out. Jacob, looking a little strained, followed with Iain.

"You stay here, Cal" Ethan said kindly, "Sit by the fire, eh?"

"I'll stay with you" Robyn grinned.

Cal held out his arms and said cheekily to the others:

"Well, off you go, then."

Noel was in the kitchen, mainly to try to stop Ethan getting anything else to eat for pure spite. He saw Ethan going towards the pile of cheese sandwiches that he and Jack had made for lunch, and waved his hand, hoping to turn them into something horrid. Keira floated up to him, snapped:

"Not so fast, Bum Hole" and punched him. Noel vanished, whimpering.

"Hurry up and get them in a bag, Ethan" Orlando urged, "Then me and Biffo will watch over them."

It was good to have at least three of the spooks fighting in their corner, thought Ethan, even if one of them was the unlucky Tram Man.

As they walked up the main staircase, they saw something that made them do a double-take. Jeff was out again and this time he was in a shower cubicle, having a shower of fire.

"Hi, people" he said cheerfully.

"Jeff, you're not supposed to shower on the stairs. The ladies will see your nasty todger."

Jeff giggled and wagged his finger at Kiera. Then his face crumpled.

"Why couldn't I save you?" he wept.

"It's not your fault, Jeff, it was HIM."

"Who? Who pushed you downstairs, Keira?" Connie got in quickly.

"Harry Harper. Because he was our next and nearest relative with Uncle Jonathan being locked up."

Connie's blood drained from her face.

"Harry Harper. Harry bloody Harper. He tricked us all. Tricked us into staying here… and now he can just pick us all off one by one tonight!"

And for the second time in three days, she fainted.


	12. Chapter 12

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER TWELVE

Everybody's mood was subdued for the rest of the day but not necessarily defeatist. Dervla, to Dylan's relief, didn't seem overly disturbed, but was a little more clinging than usual. Ethan amazed everybody by slipping the dog choice little bits of his breakfast. Dylan was concerned at first but then thought "What the heck, if it's her last night, let her eat treats. If we survive this, I'll be happy to clear up any little accidents tomorrow. The couples were closer than ever; Dylan and Lofty snuggled together in a large armchair, Robyn sat on the small sofa with Cal, her head on his chest. Dixie joined Rita and Connie on the huge couch, while Iain and Jacob squatted at their feet. Kiera and Orlando kept appearing with Jeff to give words of advice and comfort, but poor Jeff burnt himself out too quickly and had to keep vanishing to regroup himself. Tess hovered near her "babies".

Poor Jack tried to get everybody interested in games, but not surprisingly, nobody was up for it.

Towards late afternoon, the other phantoms kept drifting in. Mercedes said nastily that her money was on Harper winning.

"He'll come in here as soon as it's dark and he'll kill the lot of you."

"Ah, kill!" moaned Taylorette, wringing her hands.

"Some of you he might even torture!" Mercedes persisted.

"Ah, torture!" wailed cowardly Big MacIntosh.

"And then he'll take your souls."

"Ah, souls!" wailed Taylorette.

"Yes, you lot certainly are! Except for Keira and Orlando, you've been pains in the butt" growled Cal.

"Do you want to know who's on your side and who are going to be Harry Harper's little sunbeams?" Mercedes sneered.

They nodded. Better to know.

Mercedes looked at Keira, Orlando and Jeff as if they were dirt on her shoes.

"Those three are your pathetic little fan club up to now. Biffo would join them but he's been whipped back to France to relive his death over and over. Harry never liked Biffo."

Zoe glided across the room and pulled out a handful of Mercedes' hair by the roots. Mercedes shrieked.

"I'm with the visitors" Zoe declared.

Max came over, laughing.

"I want you to lose. Because then _this_ little blonde fox is mine and Zoe can go and do one."

He grabbed Rita by the hair. Connie, Iain and Dixie punched him. Alas, their punches went straight through Max and knocked Rita out.

"I punched a woman!" Iain almost wept.

"It was an accident, luv" Dixie assured him. She and Iain carried Rita to the bedroom, putting a cross round her neck for good measure.

Giorgio and Ricardo materialised, swords clanging.

"So which side do you take, Raynesford worm? The powerful and intelligent Harry Harper, or these losers?" Ricardo snapped.

Ethan suddenly thought how horrible it would be to be killed by somebody looking like himself. He looked anxiously at Giorgio.

"I choose the so-called losers" Giorgio cried.

"Weakling!" scoffed Ricardo.

They fought yet again, swords clashing, jumping out of each other's way. Suddenly Dervla gave a yelp. Ricardo gasped in horror.

"I have stabbed an innocent hound!" he lamented.

Dylan was by Dervla's side in a moment.

"You nicked her paw" he said crossly. Orlando vanished and reappeared seconds later with a huge roll of bandage. Dylan got to work.

"Not so grand and proud now, Ricardo Houndslayer?" sneered Giorgio.

Ricardo hung his head.

"Raynesford, for once I shall take the same side as thee in deference to this poor hound."

He bowed to Dervla, who growled at him. Then, to the amazement of his rival, he knelt next to Dervla and began to croon:

"I love thee, little hound, I shall protect thee when doom comes round."

Despite the frightening situation, Cal couldn't help laughing at the sight of his double being won over to the good side by Dervla.

"Dog Power" beamed Dylan.

"Don't be so smug. There are more of us against you than for you" Mercedes sniggered, "And the dog'll be first to go."

Lofty hugged Dylan reassuringly.

Lily stood and faced the policeman in reception, even though he was over six foot three and she was… well, she was Lily.

"So you've suddenly decided to take my call seriously?" she asked, barely keeping her temper.

"It's different now, Miss. We've been informed of strange noises at Redmyres, and coloured lights coming out of the chimney. We need to investigate the report."

"Hold the fort, Louise" Lily ordered, "Our friends are in there. I'm going back with this nice policeman."

"But- " Louise began. But Lily and Sergeant Morris Dewhurst were already out of the door. Louise looked round 'the fort' and dialled Jac Naylor's number. Connie would be furious, but this was an emergency.

"Well, Ms Chao. It seems we have a problem" Morris said, totally unnecessarily as he showed Lily the spikes and the high wall.

"Helicopter rescue?"

"Possible… there'd be plenty of space for it to land in a place like this. It all depends if my Sergeant approves."

Lily daren't tell Morris that she'd seen photos of Redmyres Grange when there were no spikes on the pavement and the wall and gate were much lower.

"Why would anybody want spikes on the main road like that?" she sighed.

"To deter the homeless from climbing the gate and kipping down in the gardens?" Morris shrugged. Then he looked at Lily, which he was finding easier to do by the minute.

"Ms Chao… you said Harry Harper was due to visit here this evening? Let's park the car away from the entrance and then observe how HE gets inside."

"Yes!" Lily agreed, eyes shining. Morris tried to concentrate on the task ahead.

Everybody was huddling together in the main room, with the phantoms who had opted to protect them standing by. Jeff made a valiant effort to join them but his chair set on fire again, scaring Dervla, and Dylan ordered him to wait in the kitchen until he was called for. The hostile ghosts had taken up their positions on the staircases.

"It must be dinnertime" Ethan said wistfully.

"Ethan, only you could think of food…" Cal was open-mouthed.

"I wouldn't mind a bit of hot soup and maybe a good strong coffee" Jack suggested.

That was Ethan's cue to march into the kitchen with Jack following him for moral support.

They ran out screaming. Ethan had taken the lid off the biggest saucepan only to see his own severed head floating around in it.

"Just coffees then" Cal said when Ethan had managed to gasp out the bad news. He went to make them, looking round almost aggressively for ghosts.

Robyn looked shy and whispered to Kiera.

The little girl smiled.

"There's a couple of downstairs toilets too, and I'll come with you" she said kindly.

The windows suddenly flew open. The cat leaped into the room, and then, with an eerie screech, changed into a clown with a mouth full of razor-like teeth. Even as Dylan pulled Lofty closer, the clown wrenched the nurse out of his lovers' arms.

"Playtime, Benjie!"

He slapped Lofty across the face with a balloon while fairground music played. Lofty tried to dodge him in vain. The slapping became more savage.

Poor Cal, entering with the tray of coffees, spilled the hot liquid on his legs and shouted in pain and shock.

Maybe he didn't like seeing his doppelganger being hurt, maybe he really did want to atone for catching Dervla's paw, but Ricardo came charging over with one of the Bibles. He threw it into the clown's face. The horrible vision vanished, screeching:

"The carnival's only just begun! There'll be more to see yet. Don't go away now, folks!"


	13. Chapter 13

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Note to Sweeet-as-Honey: Please don't worry if you miss a review. I'm grateful for one any time! To all my other lovely reviewers, thank you so much!

Dylan looked at Lofty in concern.

"Are you all right, Ben? You looked on the verge of having a coronary."

"I felt it for a minute! But that thing's gone now."

Rita, looking pale and a little queasy, came in.

"Better now?" Connie asked kindly.

Rita nodded.

Max pushed over to Rita, and managed to slide past the protective barrier formed by Connie, Iain and Jacob.

"Hey, Foxy lady, you're going to die tonight. But don't fret… it means I can show you what a real man's like afterwards!"

Rita gave a little whimper. Iain pointed to the cross round Rita's neck.

"You can't touch her while she's wearing that."

Max sniggered and, ripping the cross from Rita, threw it into the fire.

"Big mouth!" snapped both Jacob and Connie at Iain together.

Mercedes jabbed Big MacIntosh with the pointy end of her dagger.

"So, Yellow Belly, whose side will you be taking?"

Big MacIntosh looked helplessly at Noel.

"Don't ask for help from me; you hid in a cowshed while I bled out my last moments. And I never saw my Honey again."

There was a rustling sound from the chimney.

"Demon's back for more" grinned Mercedes.

But a very dusty-looking nun fell out of the chimney and mercifully shot past the fire and landed on the carpet.

"HONEY!"

"DADDY!"

Noel and Honey embraced, even though they went straight through one another.

"I'm sorry you never saw me again, Dad. After they found you, I went to pieces and joined a convent. And they… they…"

She wept:

"They walled me up because I talked too much!"

"Oh, Baby!" Noel hugged Honey close again.

"Just a minute, Dad. I have some scumbag to settle with."

She grabbed Mercedes by the hair and held her face over the fire. Mercedes screamed.

"You killed my dad, you nasty bitch!"

One side of Mercedes' face was already roasted.

"Other side!" Honey chuckled, and turned Mercedes round like a slice of toast so she roasted evenly on both sides.

"Please!" Mercedes was reduced to a snivelling wretch, "Please just finish me quickly!"

"You're dead already, dozy bitch! But I can send you to eternity if you want it…"

She kicked Mercedes straight in the backside. Mercedes lost her balance and fell, screeching, into the fire. She burned up quickly just as Jeff's anxious face peeked out of it.

"Harper's on his way. Now are we all against him or is anybody stupid enough to still be on his side, considering these humans are pretty kick-ass?" he asked.

Max's smirk froze on his face.

"One minute to make up your mind, Maxwell Gerard Lindsay Walker." Honey was inexorable.

All the other ghosts sniggered at Max.

"Well if Rita gets killed in the big fight, can I keep her?" he asked feebly.

Iain's fist went through Max's transparent face and he snapped:

"That would be a 'no' from me, then."

"Iain, does this mean you…" Rita began.

"I always have. But there was always Connie and I didn't want to get in the way."

"Ah, sweetheart!"

Connie, happier about the way the conflict was going now, said:

"Maybe you can see each other twice a week?" It was meant as a joke but Iain looked really hopeful.

"I'll be there to keep you warm on those nights, Sweet Cheeks" Jacob offered, and when Connie was silent, said:

"Ah, come on, it's better than being a bloody lesbian, right?"

Caitlin Redmyres appeared in her bridal outfit and screeched in Jacob's face.

"That's a 'no' from her, then" grinned Connie.

"So do we all agree to fight Harper even though he's got a demon with him?" asked Ricardo.

"Most of us. I'm taking no chances on this one" Dylan stood up and putting Dervla on her lead, led her to the outside toilet, wedging the door shut with a large chair. Dervla whined and barked but Dylan was unmoved.

"I'll tear him apart. He killed my babies!" bawled Tess. She suddenly floated into the kitchen and came back brandishing a meat cleaver.

The French Windows in the main room flew open and there stood Harry and the demon, who was in his own form… which was still sickening.

As Tess lunged at Harry, the demon picked her up by the scruff of the neck and flung her across the lawn. She landed in a tree, but, being Tess, put the meat cleaver between her teeth and used her hands to climb down. As she stormed into the main room, the demon smirked.

"Your babies were the first ones to betray our allegiance to Harry; it's only fair that they should be punished accordingly."

He picked up the struggling Keira and threw her into the fire. Her screams ripped into Dylan and Lofty's hearts; they had become fond of the cheeky but kind-hearted twins over the last few days. Orlando ran at the demon but was no match for it, and was thrown into the fire where he soon became a pile of ash like his sister.

"Oh you bastard!" Connie sobbed.

Honey stalked towards the demon, opened her habit – Noel was worried for an instant, wondering what she was playing at – and tugged the rosary from round her neck. She flung it into the demon's face. It screamed aloud in agony as its face became pitted with burns and scars.

"Everybody with crosses, get that demon!" yelled Dylan.

Big MacIntosh took a big step towards redeeming himself as he whacked the demon with the Bible; it's head actually flattened but it giggled like a psychopath and kept on advancing on the ghosts.

"Once your little supernatural friends are gone, it's just you paltry humans against me and Harry!"

Ricardo snatched Giorgio's sword; Giorgio bristled but saw what his ex-foe was doing. Ricardo made the sign of the cross with the two swords. The demon screeched.

Everybody was advancing on the screeching fiend now; Harry backed towards the French windows nervously.

"Maybe a hymn" Honey suggested and began to sing 'Onward Christian soldiers' slightly off-key.

The demon punched her in the face, leaving a horrible jagged scorch mark.

Then Dylan gawped – there was no other word for it- at Lofty, who stood there singing calmly. He realised what was being sung and motioned to everybody to join in the chorus:

"All you need is love, love, love is all you need."

The demon was cringing now and actually weeping. Love was like poison to it.

"All you need is love!" Taylorette jabbed the demon in the gut with the poker. It crumpled, whining.

"All you need is love!" Iain shoved a cross into each of the demon's ears. It wailed in agony and steam came from each ear.

"All you need is love, love, love is all you need!" Jeff emerged from the fire sitting serenely in his armchair which moved around like a seat on a ride in a theme park. He kept whacking the chair into the demon like a dodgem ride gone wrong. The demon was visibly weakening.

Harry Harper went for sheer bravado and sneered:

"Right! I'll admit it since nobody's going to survive to call the cops to arrest me anyway! I killed those two brats. Their parents should have left all the money to me as their best friend, but he left it to those little shits! And wasn't I lucky that their precious Uncle Jonathan was blamed for it and now I'm going to inherit everything?"

The French Windows opened again but this time it was Lily and Morris who stood there, with two armed officers following behind. They'd got permission for the helicopter, but in the pandemonium, nobody had heard it landing on the lawn.

"Thank you, Sir, for the confession" Morris said, trying not to look at the ghosts or the dying demon, and trying to convince himself he was quite sane, "I'm arresting you for murder…"

"No you're not, he gets what he deserves for my poor babies!" screamed Tess, and beheaded Harry with the cleaver, flinging his head into the fire. Lily and Morris hastily signalled to the armed response officers not to shoot anybody. The rest of Harry made a mess on the carpet as Rita fainted and Iain scooped her up.

Knowing it was defeated, the demon summoned his last strength. Redmyres Grange began to implode on itself, walls collapsing. The ghosts floated into the evening air, while the humans ran outside. Then Lofty remembered Dervla and went running back to the outdoor toilet as Dylan yelled out in grief and fear.

And all this time the three police officers and Lily stared in bewilderment.


	14. Chapter 14

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The mansion continued to fall to pieces while Iain restrained Dylan, who struggled, while gasping:

"Both Dervla and Ben gone? No…"

Iain wanted to tell Dylan that his dog and his lover both had a chance. But the house was flattened, even the buildings outside. They must both have been crushed. He prayed that they'd both been knocked unconscious before the worst happened.

Then he almost goggled. Ricardo was gliding towards them both, with a cross but very much alive Dervla on her leash.

"Friend, I have your glorious hound here."

Dervla ran to Dylan. The pressure as she tugged on her lead couldn't make the undead Ricardo trip; instead he floated like a balloon on the end of the lead. Giorgio was howling with laughter. As Ricardo floated to earth, the two phantoms embraced each other, laughing.

"I think we should agree to be friends" Giorgio chuckled.

"True; that wench was not worth it" replied Ricardo.

"Swine!" shrieked Taylorette and she floated off into the void.

Dylan's pain eased a small fraction, then he thought how Ben would have laughed at Ricardo, the human balloon, and his throat tightened.

"Mr Doctor, here's Ben."

Dylan saw Keira and Orlando floating towards him, and, walking between them unsteadily, Ben. Not a pale, phantom Ben, but flesh – bruised flesh, true – and blood. His shirt, however, was somewhat ripped.

"We could pull him along by his shirt when he got knocked out and we could move really fast" Orlando explained. He sighed:

"I think we grazed his knees a lot." Dylan looked at Ben and realised his knees were somewhat bloody.

Ben tried to focus.

"I thought y- you were thrown into that fire" he stammered.

"We didn't feel a thing, we just yelled because it was scary. But that nice man in the armchair helped us."

Jeff circled above everybody in his armchair. The police decided a stiff drink was called for while they decided together what story to tell to the authorities.

"And we can go now" Keira beamed. Noticing she didn't say 'We have to go now', Dylan smiled weakly and mouthed 'up there?' while pointing upwards with his finger.

"We thought we'd been too bad for heaven because of those songs, but we can still go. And Mr Jeff can come with us."

"How do you-" Dylan began and Keira answered serenely:

"We just _know_."

Jeff pointed to the armchair, and Kiera and Orlando leapt into it, grinning.

"Love you, Mr Doctor and Nurse Ben. Love you, doggie. Love you, Miss Tess."

"Keep your hands inside the chair, Kiera, like at Disneyland" Jeff advised.

As the twins happily snuggled up to Jeff, the three occupants of the armchair waved to a teary-eyed Tess, faded and vanished. Tess wiped her eyes and vanished. Ethan, being Ethan, jumped into the armchair and tried to make it move upwards. Nothing. He jumped out crossly, which was probably as well because it vanished with a bang.

"Goodbye, Hound."

Ricardo knelt in front of Dervla, who actually deigned to lick his face. On finding she was licking thin air she did her 'sulk' noise between a growl and a yelp and put her head on her paws. The two ex-rival brothers laughed and vanished.

Noel looked round anxiously.

"Honey-?"

Suddenly Hon the Nun appeared, dragging a wailing Mercedes.

"Give back what you stole, else I'll put your face in the fire again."

"There's no fire left" Mercedes whimpered.

"I'll make one" Honey threatened. Mercedes threw something in Connie's face… Rita's panties. Then she gave a screech and began to sink through the ground in flames. Honey and her dad linked arms, and walked across the lawn, the redeemed Big MacIntosh trudging behind them. They vanished before they got to the hedge.

The spirits were vanishing rapidly; the police becoming even more confused, Lily just being her usual calm self.

Caitlin seized her moment and glided across to give Dixie a huge kiss.

Max swaggered over to Rita.

"Hey, Foxy, no hard feelings eh?"

He grabbed her and kissed her. Iain decided he'd allow it. Connie herself was too distraught to even argue.

"Oh it's like that is it? I thought I'd broken your heart" sniffed Zoe.

"As you told me, I should be over it by now, remember? I hope you and lover-boy have fun in Limbo because I'm not bothered any more. I'm going to wait for Foxy Rita."

The onlookers did feel that it was poetic justice as Zoe went floating after Max wailing "Maaaax! Give me another chance!"

Rita held her panties at arms' length.

"I'm going to wash these at least twice before I wear them again."

Jacob was trying to appear as if seeing a house full of ghosts and conquering a demon was an everyday event for him. The fact that his hands were still trembling a little gave him away.

"Robyn" Cal said quietly, "It looks as if things are back to normal now."

Here we go, thought Robyn, now we're not in any danger good old Robyn won't look half as exciting to him.

"Yeah" she agreed.

"So I was thinking, how would you like a real stay somewhere for a couple of nights? No old places, though. A Premier Inn or a Novotel?"

Robyn's knees went to jelly.

"I'd love that."

"I'll even take you shopping!" grinned Cal.

Ethan pretended to faint.

"Hey, it's a shame the house got destroyed, we could have had breakfast" he sighed.

The ghosts had all left the scene by now; dawn was beginning to break. Dylan looked severely at Connie.

"Look at Ben! He needs treatment!"

"Ooh dear, where will you find a couple of paramedics at this hour?" quipped Dixie.

"It's an ambulance you need" Dylan said, groping for his mobile and realising none of them had had mobiles for at least three days.

· "We'll get him to a hospital" Morris smiled, and supported Lofty to the car, strapping him in. Despite his trying to reassure everybody that he was fine, Lofty's head bobbed and he passed out.

"I want to come with him; make sure they look him over properly" Dylan insisted.

"No room, sir, but we'll call taxis for anybody who needs them now."

"Better take him to Holby; they're short staffed at A and E."

The police car drove off with Lily waving enthusiastically to Morris.

"Oh, that reminds me" Lily had plucked up her courage to tell Connie, "Louise had to ring Holby and ask Jac Naylor to step in. I know you will not like that, Connie…"

"No, it was a good idea; it's fine, Lily. I'll thank Louise properly…"

To everybody's amazement and horror, Connie started to sob.

Rita and Jacob put their arms round her simultaneously.

"Connie, it's okay. We're safe now."

"It's not that. We've – I've – failed those children. The ones who would've benefited from a new ward. I put us through all this and there won't be any money after all."

"You were conned, sweet cheeks. Any one of us would have been. Come on, now. Stop breaking your heart about it. Look, what we need is breakfast. Who knows a good Weatherspoon's?"

"I know them ALL" Ethan smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER FIFTEEN

It was only when they decided to take a taxi to the best Weatherspoons (according to Ethan) that they realised their mobiles had gone forever with the collapse of Redmyres.

They wondered briefly about insurance but it seemed a lost cause. The destruction of the mansion obviously came under "An Act of God".

Connie borrowed a mobile from a member of the Weatherspoons staff and asked Jac if she could stay in charge of the A & E for a couple more days.

"I have one member of staff in hospital with concussion and the rest of us are exhausted."

"I've got it covered; we saw it on the news. Apparently there actually was some psychic phenomena while you were there. You get yourselves rested, Connie."

Jac switched off her phone, grinning. Well, well, well, so something had finally knocked the stuffing out of Connie Beauchamp. Jac hoped it was only temporary. She enjoyed sparring with Connie at her feistiest.

"Look at you" Dylan grumbled, "All that thick hair of yours and you still managed to get bruised where it showed."

Lofty knew the huge bruises on his forehead and cheekbone looked bad, but they'd heal.

"And when those heal you're going to have two more" Dylan snapped, "What were you playing at, you stupid bugger?"

"I couldn't let Dervs die!"

"Ben, look at me. Properly! Right, now listen. I love Dervla, true, but not as much as I love you, you cretin. Never, never put yourself on the line like that again."

"I'm sorry."

"You pull a stunt like that again, Benjamin, and you really will learn the meaning of 'sorry'."

"So when can we all see Ben?" Cal asked Dylan that afternoon.

"Tomorrow if you like. He'll be glad to see you."

"Good. We've got him a new mobile and a basket of fruit."

"Er… you have half a basket of fruit now" confessed the shameless Ethan.

"The Holby Hoover strikes again" Cal snapped, adding:

"You can get yourself to Sainsrose on your break and buy him another one."

"I've had a traumatic experience and they make me hungry" Ethan defended his actions.

"NEVER!" was Cal's response.

Morris Dewhurst looked severely at Lily.

"I'm afraid, Ms Chao, we have a lot of details to discuss about the incident at Redmyres Grange. I shall need to interview you again soon."

"You would be better off asking Connie or Rita. I was not there."

"Oh I'll think of plenty to ask you. Can't have an uncomfortable silence during dinner, can we, now?"

Lily blushed prettily.

"Sergeant Dewhurst, are you asking me on a date?"

"If you're up for it."

"Oh I think I might be."

Things settled down again at Holby; Ben was off work for a week and then came back, to Dylan's disapproval. He felt Ben needed at least one more week. Connie remembered her promise and told Lily and Louise how grateful she was for their stepping in and keeping the ED working. She also made a formal apology to everybody about the fact that she'd been duped over the promise of money for the Childrens' ward and was almost reduced to tears again by the support she received from her colleagues. There was a moment that Rita could only describe as surreal one day during her shift, when first of all Connie and then Iain bought her some pretty new panties, each of them sidling up to her almost shyly with the parcel.

One afternoon towards the end of Connie's shift she was informed by Charlie that a Mr Jonathan Mileham wished to see her.

"That's him waiting outside for you. Go on, Connie, I'll cover for the rest of your shift."

Charlie had been concerned about Connie's mood ever since the group had come back from Redmyres. He didn't like seeing her with the fight gone out of her.

"Mr Mileham, my name's Connie Beauchamp. How may I help you?"

The man smiled. He was in his thirties, tired-looking but pleasant.

"You haven't seen my photograph in the papers?"

Connie did a double-take.

"The Redmyres murder case; you were acquitted and freed."

"Yes, thank the Lord, it was hard enough losing Keira and Orlando in such a vile way without being accused of their murder! I believe Harper-" Jonathan almost spat out the word – "Died when the place collapsed in a freak accident? The police confirmed some psychic phenomena and they said Harper panicked and confessed in front of witnesses."

"That's true. He was a disgusting man, Mr Mileham."

"Please call me Jonathan. I know he was; he used to visit my sister and her husband and smarm round them. Well, it's all over now and I have my life back."

"I'm sorry the place was destroyed, with it being your property now…"

Jonathan shuddered.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I don't want to look on that place again. Okay, I'll lose some money but compared to peace of mind, that's nothing. And I do stand to inherit a lot of money plus my compensation for being imprisoned wrongfully for so long. Again, I don't want to gain from anything that killed my nephew and niece. But I believe you were tricked into thinking you'd get money for your hospital?"

No, thought Connie, he can't mean…

"I was stupid…" she began.

"He was poisonous! Anybody would have been taken in. Well, Mrs Beauchamp, I want to give you that money for the hospital. There'll be the legal issues first, of course, but the money will be released to me by the end of the year, and I'll be donating it to Holby General's Children's Ward. How does that sound, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"It would sound even more wonderful if you'd call me Connie!"

She slept well for the first time in over a week, and next morning made the announcement. There were cheers and general embraces. Jack did a whoop and a cartwheel, Robyn snuggled into Cal, Ethan said not a word about missing his coffee break.

Connie invited everybody to the local pub – the second time she'd ever been in one – and bought the first round. She asked everybody to raise their glasses.

"To Jonathan Mileham … and to his lovely niece and nephew, Keira and Orlando, who I'm sure must have been lovely children."

She raised her glass. Outside, the sun lit up the clouds for a fleeting moment. Psychic phenomenon or just the weather… it didn't matter.

Cal and Ethan looked over at Dylan, Lofty and Jack, Dixie hugged Rita and Iain together, Cal hugged Robyn to him, and slowly they all began to sing "All you need is love."

THE END


End file.
